i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
