a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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