u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
