Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
