K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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