OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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