just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
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She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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