I cannot find my penis.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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