You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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