my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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