I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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