I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize
