Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
