who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
