Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
