i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
