im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I can't put those talents on a resume
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
