i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
