I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
