i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
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