can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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