oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
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how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
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