Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Randomize
