thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
