I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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