He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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