watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
