Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
