tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
