Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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