The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
