she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Randomize
