I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
