Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
