And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
