Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
