Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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