i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
