I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
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Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
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She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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