It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
