at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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