Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
