I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
