Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
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