He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
