You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
