you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize