Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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