Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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