Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
