Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
