I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
