she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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