im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
