Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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