Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Randomize
