She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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