you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
