you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
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