I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
