whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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