i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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