I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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