i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
