I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
