i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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