I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
