I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Randomize
