I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
