ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
