I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
is this the sara with the beer cane?
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I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
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So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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