Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
