Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
