I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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