Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
