Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
