It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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