dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
