I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
