I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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