she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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