I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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