I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Randomize
