yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
