omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
