Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
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