Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
